teamnessie

...has been pretty freaking awesome. First of all I'm going to be a paid research assistant working on a NASA grant! whaaaaaaaaaaat?! It's been months and I still can't get over that, and I can't wait to start in August (and possibly be listed as the first author of a published paper of our findings). Speaking of published, I'm also going to be a published poet which are two words I never thought I'd say. It's also my senior freaking year of college and I cannot wait to graduate summa cum laude with a major and minor that I love. Although the summer started off pretty awful with a terrible car accident totaling my car the day before my birthd

I hate how self conscious I feel. I absolutely hate it. Ive always been pretty self conscious, but never to the extent I've been feeling for the past year. I get a 4.0, not good enough. I get a 4.13, still not good enough. I don't feel smart or like I've accomplished anything or like anyone even cares. I just feel like its still not good enough. And my looks- god my looks. I've been working out and eating a lot better and I weigh the least I've weighed since I was 14; I probably look better than I think I ever have but it doesn't matter. I hate what I see when I look in the mirror. It disgusts me. And I worry all the time that I don't look go